July 13, 2016

One Surprising Thing You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Lost Weight

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Anyone that knows me, knows that my weight loss after babies changed my life. The journey to health absolutely rerouted the path and direction of where my life and happiness was headed.

When someone loses weight, there are a lot of things that happen emotionally, mentally, and physically. Everyone sees the physical changes, and of course that’s what people usually comment on. But the mental and emotional changes are so much more important, and the true root of the transformation.

I lost 50lbs after babies, and 6 pants sizes. My weight loss was noticeable, but by no means was it an extraordinary amount to lose. And I was still the same person….kind of.

In a lot of ways I was the same “me.” But things inside of me were definitely changing. Mentally I had more confidence to accept myself as I was, and the courage to start taking more risks in my life. I finally came out of my shell by making a point to talk to new people and started to make a lot of new friendships.

(Side note: I know people in my life probably find this hard to believe because I am super talkative now, but there was a time a few years back I was very shy and even the thought of talking to new people made me very self-conscious and brought out a true fear in me #thestrugglewasreal.) 

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It wasn’t the weight loss itself that initiated these changes. They happened because of the physical struggle and the journey. It was the work to get to the goal, and meeting the goal successfully that built my confidence and courage to trust in who I was.

But back to the weight loss.

So after I lost weight I heard this one comment a few times and something about it just drove me a little nuts. I could never put my finger on why? But I just knew it didn’t feel good. Until recently when I heard it again and it all clicked.

When people say “you were beautiful then, and you’re beautiful now” being kind, I just want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs….it’s not about “beauty.” It’s so much more than that.

So I know what you’re thinking. “Before and after transformations are about the physical.” Yes, but to the person in them…they are not only about the physical. The physical changes are the goal, not the results.

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See, when I look at my before pictures I see someone who is depressed, sad, not confident, missing out on life and opportunities, feeling tired, and unable to keep up with her kids. That is what I see in my before pictures.

When I look at my “after” pictures I see the results. The results of a lot of years of continual effort working on “me” from the inside, out. I see confidence, happiness, strength, and the courage to try.

Really, I know there is no harm meant in the comment itself. After all people are just commenting on what they see and trying to be positive and kind. And of course everyone does likes to look good. But the more important thing is that we feel good, and feel good about ourselves.

 

So when people say “you were beautiful then, and you’re beautiful now” it’s almost as if they are missing the entire point.

Because weight loss transformation photos are so much more than a mere comparison of the physical before and after. They are a comparison of the life that person had, the life they worked for, the confidence they struggled for, and the happiness they earned.

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Comments

  1. I agree completely. I’m at that middle point you were at. I’ve lost 50, but have a good 59 more to go. The common thing I hear repeated is, but you already look so good. Yet, I’m not at either a healthy weight (as decided by a doctor) or healthy mental state. There’s more work. I’m willing to do it, but sometimes people get down right demanding that they know better than me about my body, and that I’m harming myself…masking as concern instead or support. When I only feel small after those conversations. Thank you for this article.

    • Momonthemove says:

      Yes for sure!! The comments people make during the weight loss jointly can be a lot to handle. Keep strong and keep fighting for what you want, cause I’ve found truthfully it never stops. Even after I reached my goal weight i then would get comments about that. So frustrating for sure. But the truth is its your body, and it’s your choice. You’ve got this!!👊🏼💪🏻

  2. Congrats on gaining your confidence. Keep in mind people who praise your weight loss as beauty then and beauty now are strictly talking about the appearance on the outside. Ones who have not lost a lot of weight themselves do not understand the level of confidence it can bring back to someone.

    • Momonthemove says:

      I totally agree Krista! There is no way that people understand the internal benefits, if they have not gone through weight loss themselves. Did you experience any of this in your weightloss? You make a great point!

      • Of most certainly felt the boost of confidence and how I felt like I was treated different and noticed more after losing weight. I think half of it is other people respond better to fit people because they are more attractive and the other half is that you value your position in the world more, and are more outgoing as a result of feeling good about yourself. When those two forces are combined it’s a huge social change.

        • Momonthemove says:

          Love this krista! So true the social change is huge! It was for me as well because I felt better about myself.

  3. You know, I lost 30 lbs with diet and exercise and I heard, “You’re too skinny”, and then the add on, “You’re too skinny-it makes you look old.” But, thanks to my weight loss and working out, here’s just a few things my old, skinny ass can do: Lift my kayak over my head onto the rack without anyone’s help, run for an hour without being gassed, keep my cool at a stressful job while everyone else is flipping out, and believe in myself and my abilities more than I ever have before. You’re so right- this journey is about the person inside. After 36 years, I have found what she is capable of and am going to keep on pushing! Great article- I needed it. Thanks!

    • Momonthemove says:

      I Looove this Liz!!! Yes yes yes! I would take being confident and capable any day!!! ❤️❤️❤️ because THAT is the important part!